Live & learn.

Well, I suppose getting the Vonage stock upon IPO was a mistake.

Although I believe in this company & their services, it's dropped a lot since yesterday.

Fortunately, I got it at the lowest price yesterday and didn't lost too much.

Oh well…this & these past weeks' stock market's patterns seem to be telling me, "Chill out. No more buying stocks & focus more on improving situation with work. Build emergency fund more."

Dilemma dilemma.

So, work is a downer.

Yesterday, my beliefs about my boss and company were confirmed when our creative recruiter came to meet us at our office.

We occassionally farm out work to freelancers when projects get loaded or when we need someone of special expertise.

Our recruiter came to meet us, and my boss did most of the talking. And, he mentioned a few things that gave me the red flag.

1. He's not interested in growing the business

2. He's not confident about the business

It was had to keep a straight face during that meeting because I felt disappointed by my own boss. I want to be able to contribute something to my work – to have some ownership of the company, to steer it in an upward direction. I'm interested in exploring new ideas & ways of doing things whereas my boss likes to stick with the old ways of doing things even if it means patching it up with gum & tape and glue. I hope you know what I mean.

This is a real problem for me because I'm not satisfied but I feel guilty if I leave since we're such a small company. I guess I do have a major role in the projects, and it would be a blow to them if I left.

How do I secure a new job while maintaining good relationships with my current employer. And be able to leave them so that they can manage on their own? This is really difficult…

I do need to save some more money though.

Even though I have about 6 months worth of living expeneses in my emergency savings acct, I don't feel secure. I'll feel better if I have 9-12 months.

So, maybe I can work for a couple more months?  Even if my morale goes down?

What to do? What to do? 

Staying focused.

A lot of things in my life are in transition: relationship, work, family, and my finances.

I almost am beginning to feel overwhelmed by the sum of these things. Not that I'm about to crack, but I could create a mess if I don't do things each day and get sidetracked on my goals.

Hm…my nearly year-long relationship with my boyfriend is winding down after having realized that we're we can't "fix" or incompatibility. This gets me sad.

Work is getting my lazy and unenthused. I feel as though I'm not compensated properly and I just can't seem to muster up the motivation to get everything done timely. Part of it is my doing, and a lot of it is because I have so many projects to handle.  It doesn't help battling with my conscience and my greedy immediate gratification of my boss offering to buy me a macbook pro.

My brother starts his new job today. I'm not worried about him, I'm just worried about not meeting his expectations. We decided to start a small business together on the side. He would deal with all the business and marketing logistics, and I would do the creative side. I've had to draw up some concepts for the new business and discuss them over the weekend, but it didn't happen because of the relationship drama. And, I just wanted to be numb and think about things deeply to sort them out. I've got to take care of my part of the deal soon and follow-through.

I had to do a favour for one of my Photoshop students. I did it half-way…but I haven't delivered the product (I just need to mail it out).

I'm also helping one of my creative directors that I work with on the side pro bono. Helping him optimize his website for search engines. I've had to give him some documents to work from, but I haven't created them yet.

I know a lot of these things seem quite trivial, but whether they're crises or small annoyances, they're all on my mind going round and round. Ugh… 

Year end.

Accident begone!I contacted N., the claimant, and she agreed to settle the car accident out of my insurance. Begrudgingly, I agreed to pay her the full $670.32 (yes, she even wanted the 32 cents) and got her off my ass. Thanks to my bf, I used a release form to end this deal. I now keep three copies of the document in my glove compartment.Savings progress

The accident set me back for my year-end savings. I was hoping to easily make the 10K mark before 2006. There are a few silver linings though:

• My apartment is not ready yet. With my rent prorated, I will only have to pay about $200 next month.
• My boss decided to give us cash holiday gifts which will be added onto our next paycheck. I think it will be around $100-200.
• Since mom suddenly left for Seattle, I am housesitting. Meaning my bf and I can lounge freely. We cook more. We save more.
• The HSBC online savings opening bonus kicked in. I am $25 richer.
• Oh! I got to see the final performance of The Drowsy Chaperone at the Ahmanson. My boss and his wife hooked us up with tix. They’re the best!

Nonetheless, if I keep to my tight budget, I will just barely hit 10K before January.

Year-end task list

• Set 2006 financial, career and personal goals
• Prepare my cameras to get fixed (three broken cameras collecting dust in my closet)
• Throw away more of my crap in my mom’s house to reduce bickering, lectures, etc.
• Tidy up my apartment as soon as all the pipes, walls get fixed
• Organize my 2005 receipts
• Somehow link my ING acct to HSBC
• Join a freaking gym!!!

More to add later…

Other things

I returned my ex’s DVD of his live performance. He’s been asking for it for a few months..and I hadn’t had the chance to return it to him. Hmm..and partly, I didn’t feel the desire to return it to him because he’s just a dick about it. For instance, he e-mails me with “WHERE’S MY DVD” That’s it. No question mark..all caps..no hello.. I think it was just in the subject, too.

I finally found it amidst the ruins of my apt and sent it to him on Monday. I’m FREEEEEEEEE.

Finally…

It’s a bit disheartening having no family during the holidays. As mentioned above, mom suddenly left for Seattle to tend to my brother’s family. I only have one brother. My dad works overseas..and the rest of my family is spread throughout the US, Canada and Asia. My boss even offered his airline miles to take me to Seattle. I thanked him and .. I didn’t take them. It was quite generous of him though.

Bf invited me to have X-mas dinner with his mom’s side of the family. But, I feel weird in these situations..Holidays make me feel weird. Like uber-displaced.

Ahh well, let’s see what happens…

Get off my case!

Pet Peeve

I was sharing my finance concerns with bf this morning on the way to work. I told him how I felt it was really difficult to buy and maintain mortgage payments in Los Angeles, and that I didn’t know how I could do it unless I save more & earn more.Either

• Move in with my parents
• Increase my salary by 20-30K

At first he says not to stress out so much and people find away.
And, I tell him that I want to be able to buy condo, rent it out, pay for the leftover monthly mortgage, and save money. This is impossible with my current situation since I’ve squeezed out unnecessary expenditures out of my monthly budget.

Ok, so this is what gets me annoyed:
“To tell you the truth, I think you can reduce your costs more.”
As if he knows my finances better than me…

Rather than justifying my result and getting into a lame argument, I thought I’d vent out here. And, here’s my proof.

These are my expenses

• Rent – 675
• Utilities – 40
• T-mobile – 60
• Netflix – 17
• Gas – 180
• Lunch – 80
• Groceries/Dining Out – 220
• American Express – 50

= 1322

I save the rest. Varies between 15-1800/mo

So, this is how I can adjust it:

• Rent – 675
• Utilities – 40
• T-mobile – 50 (shorter plan and use work cell phone to make calls)
• Netflix – 0 (cancel it)
• Gas – 180
• Lunch – 60 (bring lunch from home more)
• Groceries/Dining Out – 180 (Eat at cheaper restaurants still once a week)
• American Express – 50 (This is bound to remain the same)

= 1235

What do you think? I think this is as lean as a girl who lives in LA and has an everyday 2-2 1/2 hour commute at a small business that offers teeny bonuses, limited medical coverage, and no retirement options.

My curiosity and resentment overtook me, and I tried calculating how my roommate spends her income:

A couple months ago, she said that she would have $25,000 to spend on shared down for a 1-bedroom condo with me by the end of next year. She has a monthly salary of 4300 after tax.

• Rent – 675
• Utilities – 40
• Verizon – 65
• Car Insurance – 200
• Gas – 180
• Student Loans – 200
• Credit cards – 500
• Savings – 1800
• Food/Entertainment/Other – 640 (!!)

I believe that she really does spend about $500/mo on food alone. And the rest, shopping, videos, miscellaneous things.

Now, bf’s expenses totals to $1200/mo and he lives at home. He grossses 4000/mo.
He saves 2500-2800/mo.

What do you think.. really?
Maybe I should become an exec asst or a stripper. My friends seems to gross $5-10K/mo in their occupations.

Ahh, the headaches begin again!